We’ll get to Tariff Man’s impact on NOTL soon.

First, a more pressing issue. Phil’s leaving. At least he wants to. Back to the womb. Oakville, of all places.

“I moved from there nine years ago and am looking to go back!” he tells me.

“Everything here caters to the tourist trade! A real town no more. I’ve been saying exactly the same thing (nearly exactly) as you since becoming acclimated to the town. It didn’t take long. I was heartened when Betty (Disero) was voted in and perhaps a voice of reason would prevail but COVID hit in her term and she was railroaded out of office.”

Too many visitors, he says. Too many Airbnb GTA refugees. Even the Upper Canada Heritage Trail is a war zone.

“In summers it can be quite onerous as you walk the trail (road) with dog in tow and compete for space against groups on e-bikes whizzing by as if it were on an amusement ride at Disney. Can’t wait to move out of here although I have made many friends, then come back as a tourist and rock and roll!”

What’s worse than NOTL becoming a theme park?

Why, turning into a cartel, of course. David Gilchrist says it’s already here, aided by the bandidos at town hall.

“The sheer hypocrisy of the owners of so many short-term rentals in our town is a travesty,” he says. “Our town staff simply, for too long now, caters to the ‘tourist cartel’ too much and this has resulted in the loss of a town that once supported so many young families.”

And let’s hear from Brian Crow. He fearlessly led the Chautauqua Residents Association when it tried to stop the infectious spread of short-term rentals in that unique enclave with a few submissions to the local political gods. He lost. “We never even received a response,” he adds.

The group came up with half a dozen asks: Unhosted short-term rental owners run a business, so they should pay commercial real estate taxes. The number of short-term rentals in an area should be capped (already more than 10 per cent of the homes in Chautauqua are tourist rentals), and the number of allowed guests controlled.

And, above all, the rules must be enforced. (As mentioned here last week, the feds are offering money for exactly that — Burlington is applying for it and passing a tough law banning unhosted units.)

Why are people getting steamy over this?

Like Phil, they’re tired of fighting tourists for sidewalk space or trailway rights. Like Brian, they think unhosted visitor rentals hollow out a neighbourhood, commercialize houses, jack up prices and suck away potential long-term rentals.

“Chautauqua’s sense of community is being eroded by non-owner-occupied short-term rentals,” he told the town. “Where we were once a vibrant mix of families of all ages, we are now in danger of becoming a tourist lodging destination.”

Well, finally, here’s a note from Sam Young, who has turned into my BFF since this pathetic column started appearing. I don’t know him well, but he sounds kinda Trumpy.

“NOTL is past the point of no return for the worst. Overtourism will be its death knell. Now we are catching up with the worldwide Smash & Grab Crowd Culture. What next: A tent encampment in Simcoe Park or the Commons? It may be only months away.”

Meanwhile, the swish stores on Queen Street will have to change the signs they’ve posted for visitors. Notes saying “American exchange rate $1.20” are so 2024. With the Orange Guy in the White House, the greenback now equals $1.45 — which is one heck of an incentive to cross the river and snorfle gelato.

This summer could be epic.

Garth Turner is a NOTL resident, journalist, author, wealth manager and former federal MP and minister. garth@garth.ca