Much like here in Niagara-on-the-Lake after a rainstorm, the Seine River water quality was a major concern at the 2024 Olympics in Paris.

We spend big money in Niagara to mitigate E. coli health risks — Queen’s Royal Beach was closed as of Aug. 21, for the umpteenth time this summer, due to E. coli.

And in Paris they reportedly spent more than $2 billion to make the Seine at least swimmable for the athletes.

If we can swim (sometimes) at Queen’s Royal Park beach and Ryerson Park, the world’s best and toughest can surely swim in the Seine, eh? Just don’t inhale or open your eyes.

I lived in two Olympic villages, so I speak with some historical perspective.

In Munich, 1972, I was a busboy in the 5,000-seat cafeteria called the Mensa. I was among 152 food service employees, from 87 countries, who all lived in a nine-storey apartment building right in the village. Just imagine the gemütlichkeit (good cheer)!

Four years later in Montreal, I was a dining room supervisor in the athletes village. What joie de vivre!

In 1974, I was a T-shirt printer and salesman at the British Commonwealth Games in Christchurch, New Zealand. Lots of “G’day, mates” and cold beer.

Yes, I was peripatetic and met so many interesting people. We are a longtime dead population.

The recent Paris Olympics were televised with lots of pizzazz and historical perspective and provided countless iconic images of Paris landmarks. Bien fait, les français and les parisiens.

Allow me to make a few Olympic suggestions:

Yeah, our Canadian team did OK, with more medals than ever before. Are we getting better, or are there just that many more events?

So many weird, youth-oriented, television-friendly events. What’s with synchronized diving and co-ed running races?

Australia won twice as many medals as Canada with almost half as many people. My mathematics is sometimes suspect, but does this mean Aussies are almost four times as athletic as Canadians?

I have provided my feedback and want to see mixed synchronized polevaulting. Mixed synchro high hurdles would be an absolute riot to watch, not to mention mixed high jump. The athletes could approach the bar from opposite directions.

People from warmer countries seem to enjoy a big advantage in the Summer Olympics, so let’s think about having more Winter Olympic events that Canadians could win.

How about dog sled races?

As Robert Service internally rhymed: “On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson Trail. Talk of your cold, through the parka’s fold it stabbed like a driven nail.”

Olympic snowshoeing would also be a fertile medal opportunity for Canadians. Both flat trail and moguls. No drone spying allowed.

To give Canadians more real medal chances at the 2028 Summer Games in Los Angeles, let’s replace open water ocean rowing with hot tub log rolling. Dressed in tight red-and-black checked T-shirts.

Rambling about national team uniforms, I must ask what happened to our easy-to-identify and extremely patriotic Canadian flag red rowing and swimming suits?

Both sports are hard enough to follow, but our proud and svelte Olympians used to be quickly identifiable in their bright red suits.

Lately, we have joined most other countries with boring, navy-blue-and-black, very tight and revealing outfits. My research shows that Nike and its mega sponsorship dollars dictated that change.

Is nothing sacred?

If our Canadian Olympic bureaucrats don’t stand up to the International Olympic Committee, the Australians are going to get boomerang throwing into future Games. And then the Swiss will want yodelling.

Where will this Olympic creativity end? I hope the smart IOC people change their minds and decide to leave break dancing in the Summer Games.

Now that was a great sport to watch.

On to Los Angeles, eh? With Tom Cruise jumping out of an airplane.

We are so fortunate to live in Canada. In 2024.