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Niagara Falls
Wednesday, June 19, 2024
COVID-19: Letter: A sarcastic reply to author of mystery Queenston notices

Dear editor:

Someone has been posting notices on utility poles around Queenston. 

It's important to note that these are “guest courtesy rules,” not “resident courtesy rules.” I was relieved by the distinction, because I spend a big chunk of each day letting my dog poop all over the park whilst I urinate wildly on someone's shrub and spit on the ground. 

I certainly wouldn't want any of these “dear visitors” to enjoy Queenston the way I, a resident, can – why should they be able to stroll through the village, look at the old houses, sit quietly in the park or by the river?

If one of them pees on a tree, where will I pee? Where will my dog defecate? That enjoyment I feel as I spit on my neighbour’s boulevard will be cut in half by the sight of a dear visitor doing a similar boulevard spit. 

It's so lovely when someone speaks for the entire village without consulting the other villagers. It really engenders a feeling of community, of welcoming and friendliness. 

I've never actually seen any outsiders – oops, I mean dear visitors – peeing on trees, spitting or leaving dog poop behind, but I'm sure it's happening with alarming frequency.

I live on the main drag, across from the park, so it must be occurring on a side street, maybe during the night. Is Dumfries or Highlander a wild playground in the midnight hour?

Perhaps a minivan has been pulling up on Dee Road after sundown, releasing a handful of outdoor urinators and their enormous, gassy dogs. Gosh! We’re just overrun. 

I’m grateful to this brave resident who had the guts to anonymously put up notices on public utility phones, outside other people's houses rather than their own.

When I started reading the notice, I had a hunch that it was related to COVID-19, and yep, it is! They mention that bit at the bottom, just in case anyone mistakenly thought this was about classism or xenophobia, or thought the individual had been itching to put up a sign like this long before the virus provided them with an excuse. 

Caitlin Wooll


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