Keith McNenly
Special to Niagara Now/The Lake Report
Dear Santa,
It’s been more than 70 years since I wrote to you in the ’50s.
I bet you’re getting lots of letters from all over the world now that you have your own postal code, simply addressed: “Santa Claus, North Pole, Canada, H0H 0H0.” Hope you are in talks with the posties union for special treatment for H0H 0H0 mail.
Everyone in the world knows Canadians are nice, and I think if there were a worldwide vote, you would certainly be picked as the nicest Canadian of all.
Don’t let that go to your head, though: things are getting pretty nasty out there and relying on reputations of being nice doesn’t get you very far nowadays.
The world has become a darker place, and it’s going to be a tough Christmas for you, just like everyone else.
Not sure if it’s been covered much in your local paper, “The Icecap Report,” but the American president has declared economic war against Canadian imports, imposing tariffs on just about everything made in Canada.
Heck, he even wants you to become an American: yes, the North Pole is at risk. Probably should warn the elves.
Do the elves have a reindeer-powered squadron in NATO? Could save a few bucks and cancel the F-35 orders with this unique Canadian technology.
Anyway, I’m worried about your mission this coming Christmas Eve. All the bad stuff going on just seems to bode unwell for flying around hauling millions of presents.
Did you get pre-clearance from American customs? The president takes the supposed trade imbalance with Canada pretty badly, and I’m guessing that a hundred million presents being exported to the U.S., from Canada of all places, would pull his chain bigly.
As if getting around tariffs isn’t a big enough worry for you to handle on top of the postal union strike, there’s the accusation of supposed drug trafficking from Canada. Better be ready for a thorough search at the U.S. border. That could take a very long time, especially for you and your flying sleigh with all those presents.
I hear that some American border agents can get pretty ornery with Canadians — “seeing red,” so to speak, doesn’t bode well, especially for you. Maybe wear plaid this year so you’ll look like any other Canadian in a reindeer-powered sleigh lined up at the border.
Then there’s ICE, not the kind you’re used to at the North Pole, though — United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
You, of all people, can’t afford to be held in detention at the border for hours on end on Christmas Eve, or dread the thought of being shackled and shipped off to a distant foreign prison camp somewhere.
I have a couple of suggestions for your 2025 Christmas Eve gift delivery.
It might be a good idea to cover up the Canadian flag on your sleigh when entering the U.S.; it could make you a target. Wearing the Canadian flag might still be a good idea when travelling in Europe, but it’d be pushing it entering the States right now.
The U.S. is shooting boats suspected of being drug runners out of the water in the Caribbean and Pacific. Can flying sleighs pulled by reindeer be next? Better to be safe than slurry.
Don’t even consider entering the U.S. directly from Canada. Remember, we’re also accused of being big-time drug runners, though I’m sure your very talented flight crew, Rudolph and his cronies, can dodge bombs bursting in the air, so I’m not too worried.
Millions of American kids might find it tough slogging this winter, with families having to pay excessive tariffs on imported toys, rising food costs, and laid-off parents. It all sure spoils the mood at the dinner table, so a generous Christmas visit from the nicest Canadian could make a happy difference.
On a final note, Canadian kids and parents can use an extra boost this year, too, for the same reasons.
Have a safe Christmas Eve flight, Santa.
Niagara-on-the-Lake resident Keith McNenly was the chief administrator of the Town of Mono for 41 years.
