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The Weather Network
Nov. 14, 2018 | Wednesday
Local News
Editorial: No, this isn't a Tarantino story
Bonnie and Clyde. (Sourced photo)

Apparently Muncie is the meth-capital of Indiana, according to a sound guy for a small music festival my dad and I went to see last weekend.

I sort of believed him, after getting a Martin & Co. acoustic guitar (with gig-bag) for $140 at the pawn shop in town.

It has a small crack at the bottom and “one time for the people” carved into the face of the body, probably done with a pocket-knife — not with much craftsmanship.

What kind of savage does that to a Martin?

Anyways, I tell you this because my reaction to a story that happened this week in Niagara might be a bit skewed by my thoughts of crazy meth-heads, combined with watching some clips from Natural Born Killers.

The story is: this Wednesday a man and woman, who are together on a rampage crime-spree, bashed in “several police and civilian vehicles” in the parking lot of Valu-Mart in quaint little Virgil, and then got away, according the Niagara Regional Police, who released a public safety warning about the two the next day, warning not to approach the couple because they’re considered safety risk.

Niagara’s own Bonnie and Clyde, both in their early twenties, are wanted for a number of crimes (25 known) including stealing vehicles, gas and shoplifting.

So here’s my vision, after dwelling on it with the lingering thoughts of meth in my brain.

I’m picturing her shouting out of the passenger side window, the music blaring, middle-fingers in the air, hair blowing in the wind.

“Smash em’ good babe! You ain’t catchin’ us, coppers!”

*SMASH* — rear ends a cop.

“I got em baby, we’re making it outta here!”

“I love you baby!”

“Yeehaw!”

— and basically repeat, with a lot more profane words, until the cops decide it’s too risky to the public to keep pursuing at that point.

I’m also adding Southern accents to everyone involved, if that helps paint the picture.

For better or for worse, while police hunt down the two, or until we hear more, that’ll be the movie playing in my mind.

My reaction? People shouldn’t do meth.

I kid, I’m not claiming anybody involved here does meth, though it wouldn’t surprise me — does anything surprise anybody anymore?

One thing’s for sure — they’ll get caught. The only question is, how will it end? Hopefully not tragically.

I guess the point here is, well, a few things: be safe, there are lunatics on the loose; don’t be a lunatic yourself — look what happens; and, “that shit happened in Virgil?!”

 

Disclaimer: I’m not accusing anybody of using meth — or having southern accents.

UPDATED: The two suspects were arrested Friday (Sept. 29) in another jurisdiction.

 

Here’s the public safey warning issued Thursday,

 

“Niagara Regional Police are searching for a man and woman wanted in connection with a crime spree spanning across Southern Ontario.

24-year-old Kevin Stapleford-Francalanza and 22-year-old Rachel Hayden, both with significant connections to the Niagara Region/St. Catharines area, are wanted by several police services on a number of charges ranging from vehicle and gas theft to shoplifting.

Of the 25 known interactions during this crime spree spanning from August 18, 2017 to September 26, 2017, one instance of particular concern occurred on September 26, 2017 in a Niagara on the Lake parking lot where the suspects damaged several police and civilian vehicles while attempting to evade arrest.

Stapleford-Francalanza and Hayden are considered to be a risk to public safety and should not be approached. If you see them, you are asked to call 911 immediately.

They are known to change vehicles frequently.”

If you know or are in contact with Stapleford-Francalanza and 22-year-old Rachel Hayden, or if they are reading this, please contact a lawyer arrange for your peaceful and safe surrender.”

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